Fiona's first
by Inyunaruto365
Summary: See what happens when an orgress reacts on her period. Rated T for.....stuff.
1. The Scream

Fiona didn't know what was going on with her during the past few days. She felt bloated, weepy, irratable, and had these massive cravings of sugar.

She called her mom and told her what was going on who told her it wasn't nothing for her to worry about and should take it easy for a while.

And did, thinking that everything would be fine like her mother said.

But she thought wrong.

One morning, Fiona was holding her stomach in pain tring not to move until the pain subsided, but it didn't as she stood up and saw blood on the covers of the bed.

'Blood? How did that happen? I didin't cut myself or anything, did I?' She thought checking herselft for any cuts on her body and saw nothing as she went to the bathroom.

She was about to flush the toilet until she saw something that made her scream bloody murder.

...Blood!!


	2. The Talk of Women

Shrek heard his wife scream and ran to where she was in a feddle postion crying.

"Fiona what's wrong? Are you okay? What happened?" All Fiona did was pointing at the toilet as Shrek walked over to where she was pointing and saw blood in it, "...Oh...That..."

"Shrek, what's wrong with me?" She asked in fear.

"Uh, d-don't worry, Honey. Just stay here while I make a few phone calls," Shrek told her as he ran to the phone.

"Daddy, is everything okay with Mommy?" Zacj wondered.

"Yeah. Everything's okay. It's just calling a few friends of hers."

-2 hours later-

Shrek heard the door knocking and answered it, seeing Snow White, Leah, and Carley at the front door.

"Took ya long enough," Shrek said.

"Hey, you can't blame us for being late since it takes me and Carley longer to get here because of college," Leah told him.

"Good point."

"So, why did you call up here, anyway?" Carley wondered.

"Follow me," Shrek said as the three followed him into the bathroom where he pointed at the toilet and saw the blood.

"You called us because you threw up blood in the toilet?" Leah assumed.

"It's not mine, you dunce! It's Fiona's!" Shrek exclaimed.

"...Oh."

"If it's here's, then why doesn't she just buy pads or something?" Carley wondered as Snow White realized why Fiona didn't know why she was bleeding.

Because she didn't.

Then Snow White walked into the room Fiona was in hugging her knees in fear and tears running down her face.

"Hey, Fi-Fi," She softly said.

"Snow! You're here! I think I'm bleeding somewhere," Fiona said.

"Where are you bleeding?"

"Uh, w-well..." Fiona didin't say anything except pull down her underwear down. Revealing a huge stain of blood.

'Yep. She's on her period, alright,' Snow thought.

"Snow. What's going on with me? Am I...Am I gonna die? Please, tell me!" Fiona begged.

Snow White couldn't help, but chuckle at Fiona's cluelessness as she sat down on the bed with her ogre girlfriend. "Alright. It's time...for the talk."

"The talk? What talk?"

Snow White blushed at what she said as she began to talk about the woman's body and how it works whose face was red during the conversation.

As that occured, Leah, Shrek, and Carley were playing Go-Fish while waiting.

"I can't believe Fiona doesn't know about the human body, along with not knowing about her period," Leah said pulling out two cards.

"Well, you can't blame her, though. She has been locked away in a tower for years," Carley said.

"Yeah, Carley's right," Shrek said.

"Good point," Leah said, "Got any fours?"

"Go-Fish."

"Now, that you mention it, if Fiona was locked in a tower for years without knowing how the male or female work, then how did you two, uh...well..."

"Don't ask. I had to tell her alittle about the birds and the bees before we had the children," Shrek said seeing Snow White walk out of the room her and Fiona were in.

"Hey, where are you goind?" Carley wondered.

"To get ads-Pa (piglaten for pads) for Fiona. And a chart showing te male and female body," Snow White said before running out the door.

"This may take a while," Leah said, "Carley, got any King of Hearts?"

"Nope. Go-Fish."

"Dammit!"


	3. Pads What luck!

Snow White came back with a bag as she went back to where Fiona was who still standing with a small puddle of blood underneath her feet. (A/N: In this fic, ogress' bleed heavier than regular women)

"Why aren't you wearing any underwear?" She wondered.

"Half of my underwear have blood on them, so I waited until you came back with those things you call pads," Fiona said as Snow White sighed and pulled out two boxes with one that read pads and another that read tampons.

"Which ones do you want? The pads or the tampons?"

"Uh, the pads." Snow White hands Fiona the box of pads and opened them.

"Now, open one of the pads and carefully pull off the parts that are sticky and-"

"Uh...help?" One of the pads were stuck on Fiona's hands who was trying to pull it off.

Snow White rolled her eyes and helped Fiona put the pad on her underwear as the ogress put them on. "Like that."

"Wow. This feels better. Thanks, Snow," Fiona said.

"Don't mention it," Snow White said with a smile as Leah came it.

"How's everything here?" She wondered.

"Good since I told her about the human body."

"Everything?" Leah raised an eyebrow.

"Well, about the woman body, that is. I'll tell her about the rest later."

"Does this mean me and Carley can go home?"

"Yeah. I'll take care of Fiona from here."

"Alright. I'll get Carley," Leah replied walking into the front to see a naked Shrek as she covered her eyes, "Shrek, why are you naked?"

"Carley tricked me into playing strip poker," Shrek said.

"Carley, give him back his clothes."

"But I'm winning," Carley implied.

"The man doesn't have anything left to wear, but his birthday suit. At least give him his boxers. And sake me and his kid's eyes," Leah said still covering her eyes.

"Fine. I'll give him back his pants," Carley said giving Shrek his underwear and pants.

"Come on, we gotta go. I have a test to study for and I need your help," Leahd said.

"Okay. See ya, Shrek. Call us if you need any help with anything," Carley said walking home with Leah.


	4. Day One: Fear!

After Leah and Carley left to their world, Snow White left and said to call if Fiona goess out of control.

Shrek wondered what she meant by that as they next day, he found Fiona crying with her head on the table.

"Fiona, what's wrong? Are you okay?" He asked.

"We're-We're out of chocloate ice cream! Why? I didn't even get to finish it!" She wept.

"...Uh, it's okay. I'll buy some more later," Shrek told her patting her back as she rubbed her eyes and stopped crying.

"This is all your fault!" She suddenly yelled.

"What?"

Don't play dumb with me! You're the only one who loves chocolate and didn't leave any for me or the kids!! Don't you care!?"

"Of course, I do."

"Then, why didn't you leave any ice cream for us, you lazy fatass!! Why don't you get a job and bring us some money!?"

This was freaking Shrek out as he was about to go outside and let Fiona cool off until she grabbed her husband by the legs. "Please! Don't leave! I'm sorry for yelling at you for being a lazy fatass! Please!! Don't leave me!!" She cried as Shrek hugged her until she pushed him off her, "Get away from! Why aren't you going out her to find a job!? Don't you want out kids to go to college!?"

"But ogres don't need to go to colle-"

"SHUT-UP!!" Then, the next thing Shrek knew, he was flying outside. Landing into a pile of mud.

He wiped away the mud from his eyes. Wondering what the hell just happened.

He then called Donkey on his cellphone for Dragon to pick up the triplets and take them to a safe place until Fiona calmed down.

The kids understood as they got on Dragon's back.

"Shrek, what's going on in there?" Donkey wondered.

"...Uh, it's a...woman thing." Was all Shrek said as Dragon knew what he meant and flew away. Leaving the ogre all alone.

Then, he began to think about what Snow White was telling him.

(This is a Flashback!!)

_'Before I go, I have to tell you something,' Snow White said._

_'What is it?' Shrek wondered._

_'Try to be careful when you're around Fiona for the next five days.'_

_'Careful? Why? She's my wife.'_

_'Because I talked to one of your female cousins who told me that ogress' that are on their periods get to be...a little hostile.'_

_'Hostile?'_

(Ending The Flashback!!)

Shrek finally knew what Snow White meant as he thought in the back of his head, 'These are going to be the longest five days of my life.'


	5. The Days of Doom!

And for the next four days, Fiona was on an emotional rampage. The first day wasn't that bad for Shrek, but on the second day, she was happy one moment at Shrek, then yelling at him for not paying that much attention to her. On the third day, it got worse.

She was literally, throwing furniture at Shrek who wore army clothes along with a helmet and boots was dodging them. Chairs, tables, anything that was thrown directly at his way. And as the hours went by, the strong ogre began to fear his wife and started to sleep on the couch.

It was so bad that he even hid under the kitchen table when Fiona entered one day during the week. On the fifth day, Leah, Carley, and Snow White decided to visit Shrek as they saw the door was open.

They knew something wasn't right as they entered the house.

"Woah," Leah gasped seeing that it looked like a bomb hit the inside of the house.

And it did.

There were papers scattered all over the floor with turned over tables, chairs, and couches. The TV was broken with kitchen knives sticking out of the wall along with forks and even spoons!

"Wait. Where's Shrek?" Carley wondered as the three of them heard soft whimpering coming from the kitchen and followed it. Seeing Shrek.

"Holy crap!" Leah said. Seeing the state he was in.

Shrek was huddled in the corner in a feedle position still wearing his army clothes. It looked like he was writing something on a sheet of paper.

It was his Will.

It read:

To my friends and family who will find me in a pile of...stuff.

Donkey, I leave you my Xbox 360 for you and the kids to play.

Snow White, my certificate to Taco Ball.

Carley, my lucky knife that is underneath the covers of my bed.

Leah, my lucky mud wrestling belt and ninja gear.

"Hey, how come Leah gets to have two things while we get one?" Snow White exclaimed making Shrek scream like a little girl.

"Please, don't hurt me!" He cried.

"Shrek, it's us. We're here to help you," Carley told him. Seeing the ogre calm down.

"Guys? Oh, thank god you're here!"

"What the hell happened to this place?" Leah wondered.

"...It...It was horrible! I couldn't stop her!"

"Who her? Was it Rapunzel? I'll kick that bitch's ass if she did anything to you!" Carley and Snow White looked at what Leah said. "What?"

"She...She attacked me like a wild animal! What did I do to deserve this!?" Shrek cried as Carley held him.

"I think he's talking about Fiona," Snow White said.

"Oh. Where is Fiona, anyway?" Leah wondered as Snow White followed the little droppings of blood on the floor into the bedroom.

As she did that, Carley smelled something sour in the air and saw a damp area around Shrek's pants.

"...Did you pee your pants?"

"...No."

"Wow. You were that scared of your wife?" Leah said who tried so hard not to laugh.

"Shut-up! If you were her, you'd understand!" Shrek whimpered.

"Why didn't you call us so we could've helped you?" Carley asked.

"I couldn't. After I tried to call you guys, Fiona threw it at the back of my head."


	6. Unaware

In the bedroom, Snow White found Fiona. She was peacefully sleeping as she quietly walked to where the ogress slept. She could tell Fiona was exhausted by the way she slept. It happens to women on the fifth day of every month because the loss alot of blood in their system. And it can sometimes leave you dizzy to where you can't stand for very long, or very sleepy.

Snow White sat next to Fiona on the bed and moved some of her red hair away from her face. Making the ogress slowly open her eyes and saw Snow White sitting beside her in bed.

"Hey, beautiful," She softly said running her fingers through Fiona's hair. "How are you feeling?"

"Hey. I'm just so tired. I don't even remember what happened to make me like this."

"Don't worry about it. Just lay there and sleep it off. I'll tell you about what happened later." Snow White gently kissed Fiona on the forehead and walked out of the bedroom as Fiona fell right back to sleep.

The Next Day!

Fiona wondered what happened to the kitchen as Shrek hid behind Leah and Carley in absolute fear.

"D-Don't you remember? You went on a hostile rampage," He said.

"I did?"

"Yeah. And you also threw knives, chairs, and almost anything you could get your hands on to throw at me. Even the telephone."

"What? I would never do that to you!"

"You did three days ago when I tried to call Leah and Carley for back up." And Shrek continued to tell his wife what she did to him and the house, Snow White was done talking on the phone with Shrek's cousin.

"What happened to make me not rememeber?" Fiona said.

"Well, according to what Shrek's cousin Malinda told me, It's normal for female ogress' to be like that during their time of the month," She explained.

"So, Fiona not remembering what she did to Shrek is a good thing?" Carley wondered.

"Yeah. It helps them not to feel bad about what they did."

"But I already do feel bad about it after what Shrek told me," Fiona said, "I thought I was sleeping for five days straight."

"Oh, great. I'm like a werewolf with no memory of what they did the following night," Fiona said sadly.

"Well, it could've been worse," Leah said as everyone helped clean the house up and picked up the triplets from Donkey and Dragon's place.

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That night, Fiona was eating a lot of meat so she can regain the blood she lost along with different types of fruits and vegetables. She was happy that everything was back to normal for her as she played with the triplets.

But she couldn't help thinking that she forgot something.


End file.
